Talk Like Donald

By Highlow H. Highlow (better known as H. Highlow Highlow, manic depressant free lance writer)

(Mr. Schnell Is Off This Weekend.)

Talk Like Donald

It’s easy. First, just start talking. About anything. Don’t think. Don’t try to enunciate. Make guttural grunting noises until things get rolling. Like Donald repeat what you last heard. He has a 2 second attention span but can only remember bits and pieces. Not necessarily in any particular order or with any true understanding of what he just heard but here it comes straight from the blow hole:

“A question that probably some of you are thinking of if you’re totally into that world, which I find to be very interesting. So, supposedly we hit the body with a tremendous, whether it’s ultraviolet or just very powerful light, and I think you said that hasn’t been checked, but you’re going to test it. And then I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way. (To Bryan) And I think you said you’re going to test that, too. Sounds interesting, right?”

“And then I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning, because you see it gets in the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs, so it’d be interesting to check that, so that you’re going to have to use medical doctors with, but it sounds interesting to me. So, we’ll see, but the whole concept of the light, the way it kills it in one minute. That’s pretty powerful.”

You can tell right off Donald heard something his experts said in the backroom before he came on stage to penquin stand at the podium. He probably should have let them tell the story but why should they have the limelight. He is the President-For-Life after all!

Once he blurted all this out, he turned to look at the “real expert” doctor in the pretty scarf hiked up over her face to hide the embarrassment as Donald slaughters what she last told him. He’s seeking confirmation not even considering he’s put her on the spot. In front of the whole world.

Shamed, she still don’t let him down. With a suck-up “yes nod” of her head, Donald’s obvious teetering self-confidence rebounds and he skyrockets with renewed self assurance. If he were wearing a professional baseball uniform he’d be a major league player but right now he’s practicing medicine under the good doctor’s medical license while spewing flight of idea nonsense comedians like Robin Williams and Jonathan Winters made a career mimicking. In Donald’s head Donald is talking smart talk. Doctor smart.

He is fully engaged in his element: bullshitting pure bullshit. Every thought is machine gunned out his presidential blow hole.

See how easy it is. You can do it too! Go ahead. Imagine you are the expert on everything, no one is allowed to disagree, and it goes out to 30 million low-brow Americans hanging on your every word because they act, talk, and don’t think just like Donald. They understand every convoluted, confused, illogical, rambling word. 30 million, I shit you not! They are not inconvenienced one second thinking for themselves because their “Don‘t” does all the thinking for them.

Sounds unbelievable but it’s true. Once you wrap your head around that fact everything falls into place big league (“bigly” in Trump speak).

Talking like Donald is only difficult if you have a brain and actually use it. If that is the case you will never be able to talk like him. But, if you are curious and wanna see someone else do it just listen to any Trump supporter mimic what he just heard, especially after watching a Fox News segment.

Fox, by it’s own inherent lying, screwed-up nature, encourages the cult to repeat as best they can, giving any listener person that is listening within earshot a double mind fuck from their twisted highlight summary. Exactly like Donnie does at press briefings.

The security of the world has never been in more bigly incapable hands. 100,000 Americans everywhere agree and would tell you had they not been CoVid-19 silenced.

That’s all I got today. Passing note as I leave, when around the Don don’t don a mask. He Don’t. Monkey See Monkey Don’t!

Published by starvingcartoonist

StarvingCartoonist is a former ICU nurse that has worked at numerous civilian, military, and veteran Intensive Care Units across the country for better than three decades but has been sketching, drawing, and cartooning since he first picked up a crayon in kindergarten. Dabbled with political cartooning, writing, and general illustrations but the bread and butter came from health care. Recently left professional nursing to concentrate on camping, hiking, nature, the outdoors, trees, trails, and peace of mind. Love a campfire; rather watch it than TV. Avoid bureaucracy, career ladders, ladder climbers, and hero worship at all cost. Evenings spent with a good book, reading until the book smacks my nose when I doze off. Generally up at sun rise, listen to the mourning doves, put the coffee on, and play it by ear the rest of the day.

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