Missouri Makes The Front Page Again!

by Mr. Schnell

Once crypt keeper Patricia McCloskey stood on her cemetery style lawn pointing a semi-automatic handgun at pedestrians walking past her million dollar mausoleum style Palazzo while her husband stood guard on the porch with an AR-15, Missouri was in for it AGAIN!!! The state is already notorious for moonshine, meth labs, hillbillies, willful ignorance, Lax Gun Laws, red state “plantation wife” mentality, coat hanger back alley abortions, end time evangelical Christian fanatics, confederate flags, obedient Trump GOP senator lap dogs Roy Blunt and Josh Hawley, sinking duck boat tourist death traps, racism, Ferguson riots, Lake of the Ozarks Covid cove incubation parties, pissing in the water, and Box Car Willie; now we have to contend with “Ken and Karen” commando, pink shirt, mustard stain fashion statements.

Sure, guns were pointed every where; at each other, at pedestrians, to the left, to the right, up, sometimes down, fingers on triggers, fingers off triggers, tempers flaring, profanity escalating … it wasn’t pretty.

Then comes MUSTARD STAINS and PINK SHIRTS???! Oh Jeez! That’s blood in the water for social media fashion Nazis.

No make up, hair not done, and the final fashion straw to break the camel’s back … BAREFOOTED. Huckleberry Finn BAREFOOT! Wait. What? One of them had socks on. Praise the Lord … there is a God!

However, if you are gonna brandish the finest in home security semi-automatic firearms at least dress the part. Is it too much to ask for camo, Kevlar, and combat boots?! Missouri has a reputation to uphold. Do your part for God’s sake!

I am done here and need a break. Time for the Lake and some bar hopping socializing. Y’all stay safe and if you get the chance come visit the Show-Me State but don’t forget your guns.

I

Published by starvingcartoonist

StarvingCartoonist is a former ICU nurse that has worked at numerous civilian, military, and veteran Intensive Care Units across the country for better than three decades but has been sketching, drawing, and cartooning since he first picked up a crayon in kindergarten. Dabbled with political cartooning, writing, and general illustrations but the bread and butter came from health care. Recently left professional nursing to concentrate on camping, hiking, nature, the outdoors, trees, trails, and peace of mind. Love a campfire; rather watch it than TV. Avoid bureaucracy, career ladders, ladder climbers, and hero worship at all cost. Evenings spent with a good book, reading until the book smacks my nose when I doze off. Generally up at sun rise, listen to the mourning doves, put the coffee on, and play it by ear the rest of the day.

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