Missouri Makes The Front Page Again!

by Mr. Schnell

Once crypt keeper Patricia McCloskey stood on her cemetery style lawn pointing a semi-automatic handgun at pedestrians walking past her million dollar mausoleum style Palazzo while her husband stood guard on the porch with an AR-15, Missouri was in for it AGAIN!!! The state is already notorious for moonshine, meth labs, hillbillies, willful ignorance, Lax Gun Laws, red state “plantation wife” mentality, coat hanger back alley abortions, end time evangelical Christian fanatics, confederate flags, obedient Trump GOP senator lap dogs Roy Blunt and Josh Hawley, sinking duck boat tourist death traps, racism, Ferguson riots, Lake of the Ozarks Covid cove incubation parties, pissing in the water, and Box Car Willie; now we have to contend with “Ken and Karen” commando, pink shirt, mustard stain fashion statements.

Sure, guns were pointed every where; at each other, at pedestrians, to the left, to the right, up, sometimes down, fingers on triggers, fingers off triggers, tempers flaring, profanity escalating … it wasn’t pretty.

Then comes MUSTARD STAINS and PINK SHIRTS???! Oh Jeez! That’s blood in the water for social media fashion Nazis.

No make up, hair not done, and the final fashion straw to break the camel’s back … BAREFOOTED. Huckleberry Finn BAREFOOT! Wait. What? One of them had socks on. Praise the Lord … there is a God!

However, if you are gonna brandish the finest in home security semi-automatic firearms at least dress the part. Is it too much to ask for camo, Kevlar, and combat boots?! Missouri has a reputation to uphold. Do your part for God’s sake!

I am done here and need a break. Time for the Lake and some bar hopping socializing. Y’all stay safe and if you get the chance come visit the Show-Me State but don’t forget your guns.

I