Everyone Around Donald Tests Positive Except Donald

By Mr. Schnell

25 Secret Service Agents: Positive. Quarantined.

Kimberly Guilfoyle, donnie-little’s current main squeeze: Positive. Quarantined.

Robert Obrien, Trump National Security Advisor: Positive. Quarantined.

8 Campaign staffers for the Tulsa Oklahoma Rally: Positive. Quarantined.

Herman Cain, Trump suck up and Tulsa Rally attendee: Positive. Quarantined.

Unidentified Marine assigned to Trump helicopter: Positive (July 23rd). Quarantined

Cafeteria Worker caused closure of two cafeterias: Eisenhower Executive Office Building and new Executive Office Building: Positive. Quarantined.

Trump Personal Valet, brought Trump his Diet cokes, US Military Member: Positive. Quarantined.

Ivanka Trump’s personal assistant: Positive. Quarantined.

Katie Miller, Trump suck up and speech writer Stephen Miller’s wife: Positive. Quarantined.

Fabio Wajhgarten, Communication Secretary to Brazil President Jair Bolsonaro: Positive. Quarantined.

Jair Bolsonaro, President of Brazil and his wife Michelle: Positive. Quarantined.

Boris Johnson, Prime Minister of Britain: Positive. Hospitalized, Treated, Released.

Unidentified CPAC Attendee hanging out with Trump, Cruz and Gaetz: Positive. Quarantined.

Rand Paul, U.S. Senator that got his ass kicked by a neighbor: Positive. Hospitalized. Released.

Mike Pence Staffer: Positive. Quarantined.

This isn’t the complete list but it will do.

The question is: How has Trump escaped contamination while living so intimately in the White House petri dish?

We suspect Dallas-based Nigerian Pediatrician Dr. Stella Immanuel may have some answers.

Add alien DNA, hydoxychloroquine, zinc, and demon semen to the mix and we just may have the secret potion keeping possible super-spreader, asymptomatic carriers free of the signs, symptoms and ravages of CoVid 19. Of course those in close proximity appear exceptionally vulnerable.

Hmmm. Curse or cure?

Let’s ask Dr. Fauci.

Looks like Dr. Fauci is currently dealing with showboat ankle biter, and world famous Ohio asshole, Congressman Gym “Way To Tight” Jockstrap Jordan.

We will check back later once the Congressman has been muzzled.

Until then, stay safe and don’t listen to, or even get close to Trump. Your life depends on it.

Published by starvingcartoonist

StarvingCartoonist is a former ICU nurse that has worked at numerous civilian, military, and veteran Intensive Care Units across the country for better than three decades but has been sketching, drawing, and cartooning since he first picked up a crayon in kindergarten. Dabbled with political cartooning, writing, and general illustrations but the bread and butter came from health care. Recently left professional nursing to concentrate on camping, hiking, nature, the outdoors, trees, trails, and peace of mind. Love a campfire; rather watch it than TV. Avoid bureaucracy, career ladders, ladder climbers, and hero worship at all cost. Evenings spent with a good book, reading until the book smacks my nose when I doze off. Generally up at sun rise, listen to the mourning doves, put the coffee on, and play it by ear the rest of the day.

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